Monday, August 11, 2008

Zombie Holocaust


So, if you saw a movie that was called Zombie Holocaust, what would you expect? I can tell you what we expected. Zombies. Lots of zombies. Most likely, a bunch of zombies that were taking over the world. But, mainly, we just wanted a lot of zombies.
What did we get? Not a single zombie. That's right...not one. Look at the title again. Zombie Holocaust. Look at that picture? Does it look like a zombie? Yeah...kind of. Guess what it is. It's some sort of man who has had his face mutilated and his brain switched out with another person. All of this was done by a mad scientist.
But those aren't the only evils in the movie. Zombies? No...of course not. That would be ridiculous. There are some cannibals, though.
"Undead cannibals?"
Nope...just cannibals.
Somewhere in all this garbage were two of the slowest fight scenes I have ever seen, a borderline attractive brunette reporter who got scalped (one of the zombie-looking creations was wearing the top of her head as a wig), a scary blond woman who got naked for no reason in particular (including a scene when she was completely naked in front of the cannibals, yet still found it necessary to strut and pose), a British-ish guy who scratched his chest all the time (with absolutely no explanation for it at all), and some other guy who got his chest ripped open, his entrails eaten, and his eyes literally ripped out of his head and eaten by cannibals.
(Actually, that part was pretty cool.)
There was a pretty cool scene involving a creature and a motorboat.

That fight ended exactly like we thought it would.

It was a terrible movie. Granted, there were a couple of kind of cool moments, but it didn't make up for the fact that the rest of the movie was ridiculously boring. And it certainly didn't make up for the fact that we sat through a movie called Zombie Holocaust that featured the same amount of zombies that Mona Lisa Smile had...zero.
A lot of the set was taken from Zombi 2 (which we watched at our last Zombie Club), so it was kind of funny to be able to pick out different buildings, settings, vehicles, and even some stock footage from Zombi 2.
And all of this without mentioning that the ending was terrible and confusing. In fact, I still don't know exactly what happened. Do you want to know a secret? I don't even care what happened or how it happened.


Oh yeah...there were also waaaaay too many naked guys.

3 comments:

Fosterface said...

I'm disappointed that the post-film discussion wasn't webcast to me. How long did that one last?

Dusty said...

Allow me to fill you in on our post-film discussion:

"So...that wasn't really a zombie movie, was it?"

"Nope."

The end.

Fosterface said...

the picture, though disgusting, looks so staged. Not as if there's any sort of fight happening (the master craftsmanship of the dummy had me fooled for a minute though) or struggle, just that there's a hand holding on to something that happens to be connected to the inside of a guy's head.

Kind of reminds me of that picture of Cris eating pasta with my hand holding the sausage. Not me, just my hand.

Zombie Club didn't last long, did it?